Excerpts

From Chapter 3: The Vaccine Decision
Journal February 10, 2005

"I awake - can't go back to sleep - I'm aware I have been feeling uneasy the past three weeks with the almost frenetic well wishes: 'Praying for a miracle,' 'You can beat this,' 'You're curable." What I'm uneasy about is that I have not been into that frenzy. I have been ready to accept Anne's death. I have had no prayer of petition to save Anne's life - thus I have been out of sync with all of Anne's friends and some relatives. This has made me feel uneasy. Is there something wrong with me?"

From Chapter 5: Seizing Every Moment

We are experiencing a living that is new to us. It is now so clear, the dying is bodily only. The spirit, the love, has blossomed and flourished with a new life, a new quality. In the very midst of the pain, sadness, sporadic fears and confusions, both of us have come alive in a new way.

From Chapter 10: In Dying We Live
Journal September 11, 2005

"Anne's life these past months has been an announcement - death is natural, death is part of life, death is not to be feared. And in our culture, so afraid of death, this announcement has helped people around us take a good look at this. A few have told us that their views, their feelings about death have been altered."

From Chapter 12: The Mystery of Sadness
Journal one year, two months after Anne died

"A thought came to me just now that had a flavor of newness to it, be it a deeper conviction or perhaps even a new thought entirely. The thought - life is never going to be as great as it was with Anne. That's the reality. Accept it. The accepting of this reality had a 'freeing' feeling attached to it. Somehow I felt stronger."

From Chapter 14: The Disappearance of God

For the first time in my life, my firm belief in God began to weaken. It wasn't that I had any beef with God, but God just became unimportant to me during the 10 months of Anne's dying. That unimportance continued after her death. Then one day I had what I call my first agnostic experience; it was very empowering. I began to rethink how my faith in God developed and the nature of "faith" itself.

Journal two months after Anne died

"It was a weird, strange ten months of living with Anne and not the 'God' figure. Perhaps the God-in-Anne was the reality - in loving Anne I was in touch with God without the name God coming into play. Could God simply be the energy of loving?"

From Chapter 17: What To Do About Death

I think living alone, the depth of feelings I've had since Anne's death, and expressing myself in my Journal have contributed to my experiencing the reality of mystery. I experience this sense of living in mystery more deeply than at any other time in my life. I am happy that I am at peace with not knowing. It has awakened some sort of an ability to surrender to "not knowing." I feel that I can trust this mystery. Sometimes I experience it as a benign, living reality. It is a peaceful experience.

From Chapter 18: Do I Want Another Love?
Journal a year and nine months after Anne's death

"As I have been living alone since Anne died I have had no person present to me 24 hours around the clock; a person present to me whose presence challenged, or better, beckons love from me. With such a person with whom intimacy is part of the relationship, I can grow out of practice in being loving and generous."

From Chapter 19: Special Reflections and Events
The experience of being lifeless

"I awoke this morning at 5:30, eyes still burning. Got up, but felt tired and went back to bed. I felt a moment of having no energy at all. I felt I could do nothing. It was a moment of lifelessness as it were. It was an experience devoid of any feeling. I was quite content just to die. I felt grateful for this experience as it deepened my understanding that to die is a contented, peaceful feeling."

From Chapter 20: Where From, Where To

I live in serenity and peace at this time. I trust the force of nature and life and this mystery in which I am embedded. I trust in not knowing or in having to know.

"This picture was taken in the first years of our life together. I remember after she cut her long golden bronzed hair, I realized how much I loved that hair. I simulated crying in a joking sort of way, but conveyed that I accepted her decision. She smiled signifying she appreciated my acceptance. Years later she gave me her cut-off hair in a plastic bag just as beautiful as ever. Oh, what a great life we had!

Reviews & Interviews

The Authors Show
Interview with Bill Nerin

When I began reading Bill Nerin's book, I expected a chronicle about “how to” prepare for the death of a loved one and the grief that follows. Instead, I found a beautifully written love story. Through narrative, reflection and his journals, Bill Nerin takes us on a journey of a true life love story of tenderness, companionship and loss.

“Lying awake, my body embracing the body of Anne, warm, breathing, asleep. How many nights will I be able to snuggle her, be one with her not only spiritually, but also physically. She is slowly dying of her cancer. How many days do I have with her this way?”

This book is worth reading not only for Nerin’s practical wisdom and experience on dying and grief, but also for the compelling story."

- Linda Norlander R.N., MS, author of three books on end of life issues, Manager of Group Health Hospice, Tacoma WA, 2001 Robert Wood Johnson Executive Nurse Fellow.

••• Gig Harbor Life Weekly •
10-19-10 Interview by Scott Turner

GIG HARBOR — Bill Nerin and his late wife, Anne, had talked about death and dying since they got married in 1982. They discussed death openly as part of life, and decided not to waste money in the last few years of their lives trying to stay alive... Read More

••• The Global Voice With Susan Piontek • 10-13-10 • From Blogradio Interview

Please join me, Susan Piontek, when I will be interviewing Bill Nerin, renowned family therapist, former colleague of Virginia Satir and author of A COUPLE FACES DEATH: MY LIFE AFTER ANNE. We will talk about Bill and Anne's journey as they face the inevitability of Anne's death.

Their abiding love and courage; their honesty and integrity enable their love to deepen from the time of Anne's terminal diagnosis until her death. Bill poignantly shares his story with us of then and now, as he navigates his 'life without Anne". There is great wisdom in his words. He shares some things that we don't hear about in our culture... Read More.

For a Full Media Release, click here.

Bill Nerin • Author

Magic Mountain
Publishing Co.
P.O. Box 962
Gig Harbor, WA 98335

Books By Bill Nerin:

A Couple Faces Death:
My Life After Anne

You Can't Grow Up Till
You Go Back Home

Family Reconstruction
Long Day's Journey Into Light