The Author

Early Experiences

I married Anne when she was 52 and I was 56. She had been previously married and had four sons. For 24 years I had been a Catholic Priest in the Diocese of Oklahoma and, as a priest, I was concerned about social justice. For example, in the early 60's I spent some time in Hattiesburg, Mississippi during the Federal trial against the county registrar for voter discrimination.

In 1966, a few laypersons and I received permission from our Bishop to experiment with a new kind of parish designed to foster a social conscience in parishioners. While Catholics had a strong individual conscience, many lacked a social conscience. A Belgium priest, Canon Cardijn, discovered that the formation of conscience occurred more through action than talk. My studies in psychology at Teachers College, Columbia University reinforced this reality.

The experimental parish, the Community of John XXIII, focused on meeting in small groups wherein trust and mutual support grew. We examined society and took action to try to make it more just and humane. We restricted the parish to 200 adults to maintain our sense of community; would not use money to build and maintain a church but rather to use for social causes. For example, we supported Fish, opened a Montessori Day Care Center in the heart of a poverty area in Oklahoma City, joined in peace activities.

The parishioners changed rapidly and the parish attracted some Protestants and invalidly married Catholics. They shared equally in the Eucharistic meal. Later the Bishop died and the new Bishop forbade us from sharing the Eucharist with the Protestants and invalidly married Catholics. After spending a month in our parish small meetings, we decided we could not do this as this meal symbolized our unity. Thus, we resigned from his authority.

Meeting Anne

I continued my training and work as a marriage and family therapist. One of my mentors was Virginia Satir, who was an early pioneer in family therapy. She introduced me to a process she developed called Family Reconstruction and I began guiding them in 1975. In 1977, I was appointed an Adjunct Assistant Professor in the Human Relations Department at the University of Oklahoma. In 1986, I wrote my first book on the subject, Family Reconstruction: Long Day's Journey Into Light, a textbook for my students. In 1993, I wrote for the general public, You Can't Grow Up Till You Go Back Home: A Safe Journey to See Your Parents As Human.

An associate of Satir was Anne Robertson, a clinical psychologist. It was in working with Satir that I met Anne in 1977. We married in 1982. Later she also became an Adjunct Professor at the University. We taught and trained therapists the theory and process of Family Reconstruction here and overseas. We shared the same view of the world and social justice. We loved to play golf, bridge and dance together. We supported each other when fragile. Anne supported me in writing my two books and it is in her honor that I dedicate this book. We spent 23 happy years in loving, working together and enjoying common activities. After four and a half years since her death, hardly a day goes by that I do not miss her. I still love living in our home with our Labrador dog in Gig Harbor, WA, built by Marc, one of her sons.